TOOT OR BOOT.

From the archives: we toot and boot the campiest outfits of all time

Sup bitches. Raja and Raven can’t come to the phone right now. Nobody asked us to fill in for them, but we’re doing it anyway.

Anna Wintour, Met Gala, 2004

M: TOOT. Much like the red headed male in the background, I too am left jaw-dropped by this ensemble. Everything about this should be horrible, but somehow the devil makes it work – from the bedazzled shoulder pads right down to those matching baby blue shoes. What can I say, blazers are my weakness (even if does go questionable in the south).

T: BOOT. could this be the inspo for Lizzie Mcguire’s legendary tear away during her breakout performance at the Colosseum circa 2004? I’m torn between a toot and a boot, but if this is in fact the ensemble that gave birth to the performance that made millions of eight year old boys gay it would be homophobic of me to boot. But, I’ve gotta stick to my guns. It’s a boot.

Marilyn Manson, VMA’s, 1998

M: BOOT. Listen, I more than anyone am ALL for letting your freak flag fly – and I think Marilyn has done an exceptional job showing his off to the world. However, I am a firm believer in the coordination of hair, face and outfit and everything from the shoulders up just doesn’t sit right with me. Kind of like my bowels when I have more than one chocolate thickshake in the same day, its messy.

T: TOOT. Looks like Paris Hilton, the Spice Girls and my grandmother’s costume wardrobe threw up on a ghost. I miss when lip gloss was trending. Simpler times. Bonus points for the BDSM witch on his arm. Overall, love the commitment to this haphazard look.

Lady Di, Revenge Dress, 1994

M: TOOT. The day Princess Di rolled out in this absolute number saying a big fuck you to the incestuous Charles was a day for the history books. It’s hot, sexy and political – this dress made me the woman I am today.

T: TOOT. This dress has greater character development and nuanced plot lines than all 90 episodes of Revenge, and that season of Gossip Girl where Blair gets fucked over by Hot(ish) Prince of Monaco. Universal toot. Thank you for sharing this moment with us, Lady Di.

Lady Gaga, Berlin, 2013

M: TOOT. Not really sure where to begin with this one – I’m lost, I’m confused, and I’m a little bit turned on. I don’t think Gaga was fully switched on here (walking around barefoot in Berlin screams I want to be hospitalised for trench foot) but nonetheless you really have to give her props for bravery. She’s doing god’s work here, and I’m tooting her for it.

T: TOOT. I’ve never been able to distinguish whether this look was a public cry for help, or the most spectacular/angelic performance piece since Christ’s crucifixion. All I know is that it taught me the greatest lesson about art and commitment to your vision. Hang in there 2013 Gaga, good weather is just around the corner.

Frances McDormand, Met Gala, 2018

M: TOOT. This chick is a grade-A definition of freak. When I first saw this photo of Frances posing with Anne Hathaway, I thought it was just her PA hiding behind an artificial tree. But no, it’s real, it’s fashion and it was one of the best looks of the gala last year. But more than that, she’s feeling her oats, grains, wheats, barley, and gluten free alternatives. Something for everyone.

T: TOOT. Okay so I’ve never been to church except for funerals and weddings, but Frances McDormand took me there with this look. I’m getting Endora from Bewitched rocking up to Sunday service in a fascinator made from a prehistoric teal ostrich. Every time I see these photos I’m having as much fun as she was that night.

Björk, Academy Awards, 2001

M: BOOT. Bjork, I rate you. But I think my mum has made multiple swan costumes for kids in her preschool class that could give this a run for its money. I boot the dress, but I love that she looked at herself in the mirror, saw that, and still decided to show up. It’s like when you order an Uber before you’ve finished glueing on your eyelashes, so you just roll with the whole conjunctivitis vibe.

T: TOOT. Hate the dress, love the statement. What the fuck else do you wear to a red carpet event when you’ve already butchered, remixed and rebirthed music as an artform forever? This is either the height of irony, or the greatest lapse in judgement of all time–but I guess that ambiguity is what Camp is all about. Bjork I ❤ U. Let’s get freaky sometime ;P

Jonathan Van Ness, Emmys, 2018

M: TOOT. Jonathan is on the Road to Beijing, and this outfit is going to take him there. In fact, I think he could skate in this and still pull off a triple axel. Everything about this is a 10, from the icey white co-ord, the perfect Harry-Styles-on-tour inspired blouse to that adorable purple purse. Adopt me?

T: TOOT. GoT season 8 spoiler: JVN takes the Iron Throne and slays the Ice King… with this loooooook. Who knew all it would take to bring down the greatest villain of HBO history was a white pantsuit and a gauze turtleneck.

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